History

Archive


  • 05/01/2002 - 06/01/2002
  • 06/01/2002 - 07/01/2002
  • 07/01/2002 - 08/01/2002
  • 08/01/2002 - 09/01/2002
  • 09/01/2002 - 10/01/2002
  • 10/01/2002 - 11/01/2002
  • 11/01/2002 - 12/01/2002
  • 12/01/2002 - 01/01/2003
  • 01/01/2003 - 02/01/2003
  • 02/01/2003 - 03/01/2003
  • 03/01/2003 - 04/01/2003
  • 04/01/2003 - 05/01/2003
  • 05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003
  • 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
  • 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
  • 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
  • 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
  • 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
  • 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
  • 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
  • 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
  • 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
  • 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
  • 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
  • 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
  • 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
  • 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
  • 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
  • 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
  • 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
  • 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
  • 02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
  • 05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
  • 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
  • 07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
  • 08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
  • 10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
  • 11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
  • 12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
  • 02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
  • 04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
  • 05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
  • 06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
  • 01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
  • 02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007


    • Oh! waking is a bitter nightmare..when you constantly hang around the fringes of my dreams..

    ..my foundation is crumbling and shattered glass is falling all over sidewalks..

    ..i am collapsing and i am collapsing on myself.. i am shards of glass..and i am the person being wounded by the glass..

    ..there is a certain beautiful honesty about depression..

    ..will Candy and honey not ..sweeten the Bitter acrimony of life? ..if truth indeed be a fallacy, then should reality not be a lie?

    Truth is like water. A little of it quenches your thirst Too much of it..and you drown.

    Wednesday, April 21, 2004

    i speak to you
    I don't get a reply anymore

    They say silence speaks a thousand words
    But to me silence only says one thing

    You fear
    you tire
    i fear
    and i tire as well
    as long as the last spark of hope is not extinguished
    this misery will never cease.
    what irony.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 4/21/2004

    I fear what I cannot see.
    I fear.. ..that is why i do not want to see
    I fear what i know i will see
    I fear what is already there.
    Truth does not have to be seen by eyes
    But it has already been carved upon our hearts
    I do not need to see..becoz i can feel.
    The truth is..i don't want to venture
    I want the truth
    but i am not ready for it
    I want the truth
    but i already have enough of it
    i wanna know what you think
    but maybe i don't after all
    i wanna know what you think
    but maybe i already do after all.
    i wanna know what you think
    but i darent.
    i wanna know what you think
    but i fear most what i know.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 4/21/2004

    Truth is like water
    a little of it quenches your thirst..
    too much of it and you drown.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 4/21/2004
    Monday, April 19, 2004

    Ballet Shoes
    Ballet shoes- beautiful, graceful, and creative,
    you enjoy dancing writing and music. You are
    often very poetic and sometimes dramatic. You
    keep to yourself aside from a few close friends
    that you can relate to. [please vote! thank
    you! :)]


    What Kind of Shoe Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    dawn fairy on the moon at 4/19/2004
    Wednesday, April 14, 2004

    tmr is my soci final exams and im still blogging...eck. so slack and so awful. was reading my past entries. i guess time dosen't change certain things. im still the same last min pia-er and last min trying-to-do-damage control..night-before-then-come-and-panic girl as before. Indeed, from past to present. There isnt much of an evolution.



    Im gonna fail soci tmr
    but then again im always saying that
    actually..does it really matter if i past or fail?


    i can't concentrate..

    my mind keeps swimming and swimming and swimming..and i feel like im stuck in a pile of jello

    as usual...a bar of toberone beside me..gorging myself..as i always do during exam times

    i dunno why i always feel especially distracted during exam times

    i always start to tink about alot of stuff..and memories just infiltrate my thoughts.

    and all i see ..as usual..is the past in techni-color right in front of me




    i think i craved understanding from people..the way a baby craves for candy
    but i think it is wrong
    because actually..why do i care so much if people understand me or not?
    I am already 20 years of age.
    i need to stop acting like im ridden with teenage angst.
    but easier said then done
    just when i think i can bo-chup and ignore everything around me..
    and just when i think im getting stronger again
    i always slip back down on my self-deceit...and fall back onto the ground where i once was
    Can i expect to pick myself up?
    when i tell myself that everything is ok now,
    i wonder if i am telling the truth.
    ooh..these thoughts of mine are like cobwebs ..getting me tangled up
    how can i struggle out of them..since they are already a part of me
    i keep searching for answers..

    ..but honestly.. i dunno wad im searching for.




    ..i dunno what i expect to find.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 4/14/2004
    Wednesday, April 07, 2004

    it dosent matter what i say or do
    in your eyes i will always be a bad person
    you will never think positively of me
    everything u think abt me is so bloody negative
    i try to do everything i can do help you becoz i care for u as a frend
    and you throw everything back in my face and say im shit
    i try to give you a sincere kind word or encouragement
    and you tell me i am making fun of you
    you tell me i am insulting you



    everything single thing i do
    its becoz i am concerned for u as a frend
    but you don't recognise this
    you wont believe me
    everything you see about me is bad
    that im bad
    simply bad
    you will never think well of me
    tho i mean good
    never
    you only think i am evil

    i hate the way you always make me feel fo fucking bad abt myself
    i hate the way you always make me feel so guilty
    i hate the way you make me cry after you keep accussing me
    i give up
    you know what?
    i give up
    i dont give a shit anymore
    when i try to be good to you
    u accuse me of evil
    i give up
    i never want to speak to you ever again
    i dont have to keep tormenting myself

    i may not be as sweet and as nice as k
    and i may not be perfect
    so im ugly
    i dont look good
    but u dont have to judge me by appearances
    i hate it when you keep making me feel so bad

    dawn fairy on the moon at 4/07/2004
    Sunday, April 04, 2004

    Oh..you know me.

    yes the sms
    i didnt receive your message
    and you didnt receive mine
    and i said the connection was bad...which was not uncommon
    and u agreed.

    but we were singing of different tune
    you thought i was speaking about M1 and singtel
    but oh! you know me. How i often speak in metaphors, riddles and symbols.
    you should have known i wasnt talking about that connection



    i hurt you time and time again
    yet i dunno why
    each time i feel so guilty..and the guilt jus eats away at me like acrimonous acid.
    once upon a time when i was seven..my mummy uses to hug me when i had a bad dream and pat me on the head and tell me things would be alright.
    but who would wake me up now?
    who would slay my monsters and tell me its gonna be alright?
    but if this is living..could i dream forever?
    if this is living..can i not sleep forever? For i like the reality i create for myself in dreams better.
    i don't mean to hurt you
    you say you are ok
    but i know you arent
    how can you be?
    when i hurt you so bad?

    but since a long time ago
    i know you gave up hope
    just the way hope slowly drained out of me like the life draining out a a fish struggling on the shore...seeping out of me..till it evaporates into nothingness into the stillness of the night air.

    Goodnight.
    You say.
    We are both happy
    We speak in cheerful tones
    But i don't like goodnight
    because i know its not really good.
    its not good
    its not good
    No its not good
    why?
    coz it will never be good.



    but i understand..or at least i try to
    about why.
    and i don't blame you
    Surely the Lord has a reason for all this to happen
    but its not enough.



    you know its not enough

    i tried hard

    very hard

    but its just not enough..

    its like walking around in a circle..hoping to get to the finish point
    and then you realise..you're always ending up and the start.. and that you are
    merely walking around..
    ..in circles. Even if i ran.
    i would still be in

    circles.

    dawn fairy on the moon at 4/04/2004